tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536539222597375982024-02-06T22:34:23.822-08:00Melanie JacobsonThis is my BRAND NEW writing blog.Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-70169477461215442972011-09-18T07:23:00.000-07:002011-09-18T07:41:51.567-07:00WordI am developing an irrational hatred for the phrase "at the end of the day." Maybe I just hear it too often lately, mainly from reality show bottom feeders. I hope that's all it is, and not something more insidious, like that my editing brain has now crept into my real life and is mentally rewriting what people say. "That's a cliche. Find a new way to say it."<br /><br />My editing brain ruins many, many books for me now. That's bad. Good in the sense that I love the good books even better, but bad in the sense that I'm less patient with books than I used to be. But anyway, editing brain, you are hereby ordered to leave Real Life alone.<br /><br />And now back to words/phrases people hate. I've bumped into a survey in a couple of different places that says the word Americans hate most is: MOIST.<br /><br />MOIST! MOIST! MOIST!<br /><br />Raise your hand if you cringed.<br /><br />I didn't. That word doesn't bother me. It bounced off of me like I was a MOIST-deflecting Superman. Or something.<br /><br />I can't think of a specific word I hate. But I can think of lots of words that I hate hearing pronounced the wrong way, and by wrong way I mean not how *I* say it. For example, there is no Z in resource. So why is suddenly everyone saying it like there is? If you are one of these people, are you Canadian? Is this why this is happening?<br /><br />Anyway, back to the editing brain and the sound of words: last night I was reading a novel (self-published, sadly) that was making me angry. It contained this fraction from a sentence: "treated with careful care by Carol." I think it was not on purpose. And so when I read that aloud to my husband, he gently took the book from me, held it up and looked at the cover, and then calmly punched it.<br /><br />I love him.Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-58717936258189697932011-09-16T01:52:00.001-07:002011-09-16T02:08:54.244-07:00White NoiseIt's a flood, man. The constant barrage of tweets and FB updates: buy my book, it's awesome, blah blah blah.<br /><br />I try to follow back anyone on Twitter who follows me unless they're obviously a spammer. But sometimes the spamming is subtle. For example, there's one fairly successful YA writer who ONLY retweets nice stuff people say about her books. After a month of her in my feed, I've learned nothing about her as a person. Not a thing. So I unfollowed her.<br /><br />And when random writers add me on Facebook, if their first three updates are nothing but marketing ploys, then I immediately hide them.<br /><br />I get really tired of the Twitter folks who use it is as nothing but a marketing tool. IT WON'T WORK LIKE THAT, DUMMY.<br /><br />And yet I think Twitter and even Facebook can be incredibly effective for marketing. For example, there are authors whose books I've bought that I wouldn't have otherwise picked up because I've followed them on Twitter for a while and I have a feeling that I'll enjoy their writing voice. I have never once bought a book from someone who tweets nothing but stuff about their own books or about someone else's self-pubbed book because they think the favor will be returned. It all comes off as a smokescreen to me.<br /><br />And then there's the in-between, the writers who tweet about nothing but writing. I like to talk shop, too. But I need more than that connection point to really click with someone, even at a social media level. So the ones who wear me out with nothing but boring writing updates . . . unfollowed or hidden.<br /><br />I think I react this way because I'm a classic extrovert, meaning I recharge by interacting with other people. People who don't offer real connection points . . . they just want something from me. In the circles I run in, they mainly want me to buy their book. In real life if you had a friend who always needed something from you without offering anything in return, that would be a toxic friend and ultimately, you'd probably let that friendship wither.<br /><br />So that's what I do with social media relationships. The ones that don't offer some insight beyond the billboard of a writer's projects, I let those fade.<br /><br />And amazingly, as many of those as I've let fall by the wayside, I still find some really fun connections.<br /><br />Maybe that's why blogging is still my favorite thing. It forces more real reciprocity than "like" and "retweet" buttons do.Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-68918674423157366132011-09-11T20:40:00.001-07:002011-09-11T21:02:36.244-07:00ResearchI hate it.<br /><br />Dang, I picked the wrong job.<br /><br />I hate it but I do it.<br /><br />Maybe I don't hate all research. Sometimes it's funny to me. I've had to explore floor plans for Antebellum homes, take a virtual tour of the Space Needle, and study diagrams of marionettes. I've definitely collected some bizarre bits of knowledge.<br /><br />What surprises me most is that minutiae I have to research that doesn't have much to do with my story. I've spent an hour reading about the origins of steampunk to get a single, non-plot dependent sentence right.<br /><br />But it pays off. I wrote an entire novel set in Seattle. I never even visited there until after I finished the novel, but I was amazed to discover that the result of all that research was that I walked around the parts of the city I had described and realized I got it right. Surreal.<br /><br />Here's a top ten list of odd things I've learned while researching:<br /><br />1. The homes in Audubon Place in New Orleans were protected by Blackwater operatives during the Hurricane Katrina chaos.<br />2. There are not a lot of spices that make great names for boys.<br />3. There are a lot of delicious-sounding places to eat in Seattle.<br />4. It's amazing how much money things will sell for in a New Orleans antique auction.<br />5. A surprising number of people skirt the foster system in New Orleans.<br />6. It's hard to research region-specific slang.<br />7. The cars that teens find cool are totally different between California and Louisiana<br />8. Any era you search between the 1960s and now, Converse All-Stars are always considered cool<br />9. The bad parts of Washington DC are among the worst in the country<br />10. The best research: sitting on Huntington Beach pier while your husband explains why the surfers are doing what they're doing.<br /><br />What is the weirdest thing you've ever had to research?Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-83802656075997237052011-09-01T09:02:00.000-07:002011-09-01T09:10:29.272-07:00Drum Roll, Please!I just plugged in Ye Olde Numbre Generator and then . . .
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<br />I did a drum roll sound, but then . . .
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<br />The one I was doing with my fingertips on the coffee table wasn't dramatic enough, so . . .
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<br />I STOOD on the coffee table and did a drum roll with my feet like you do in high school football bleachers, and that was much better, but . . .
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<br />The baby girl was distracted and wanted to try, so I let her, and that was by far the cutest, so that seemed for sure like the best drum roll and SOOOOO . . . I clicked
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<br />GENERATE
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<br />and I got
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<br /><span style="font-size:180%;">#47</span>
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<br />Which is Sheridan at Enjoy Birth (she's THE chief birth blogger on the Interwebz, btw) because LisAway (bless her) chimed in just a tidge after the deadline, and so YAY!!! Sheridan gets a book! And I know her in real life! WHICH MEANS I DON'T HAVE TO PAY SHIPPING!!!!!!!
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<br />Sheridan, I will have it for you, SIGNED, at the book launch on Sept. 22! Whoohoo!
<br />Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-52160702391351817942011-08-28T20:29:00.000-07:002011-09-01T08:59:19.897-07:00Win my new book--Awesome August Blog Hop!You want something from me, right? That's why you're here from the Awesome August blog hop?<br />
<a href="http://tristipinkston.blogspot.com/"><img src=" https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQlysk2vaE9ctk7sHFwo0iUkGJkxut_komMvYRAgO_F8ZOIaQqHCe3hH39jiomp7SFKE8wc1j1gDn5TLXwV0AWWgkycbb3UF2LyJwWBJ_CMc3niXIjo1_oIQwdX774ouXj0FYiNKMdO-0/s1600/Awesome+August+Blog+Hop2+175.jpg" /></a><br />
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And it's a good thing I have something to give you! One of the very first giveaway copies of my new book <i>Not My Type! </i>Whoohoo!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqCqs-XVSz32-BzjSQT0KHwNF5VFpR5QCwuU7mXmcRvlS_DeHa-qV6Jn9c5j9zz_wysoNm8NAbaj4hScbj_Mh4tR-T-t092IsTqojq3CJjDTsk7MwU8I3V9qbEMrGjgzmPihw_I_ee_zy_/s1600/NotMyType_COVER-NEW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqCqs-XVSz32-BzjSQT0KHwNF5VFpR5QCwuU7mXmcRvlS_DeHa-qV6Jn9c5j9zz_wysoNm8NAbaj4hScbj_Mh4tR-T-t092IsTqojq3CJjDTsk7MwU8I3V9qbEMrGjgzmPihw_I_ee_zy_/s320/NotMyType_COVER-NEW.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />
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It's super easy to win.<br />
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1. Become a follower of this blog<br />
2. Leave a comment telling me one thing you're thankful for<br />
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Why option #2? Well, <i>Not My Type</i> is about a hardheaded girl named Pepper who is forced to write a thank you note every week as sort of a "life therapy," and so she does it . . . with a grumble. But the thank you notes work an interesting magic and before she knows it, she's in the middle of a brand new life adventure even though she was sure she was over the hill at twenty-three. (You can read the first chapter <a href="http://melaniejacobson.net/Books.aspx" style="background-color: lime;">HERE</a>). Since each chapter opens with a thank you note, I thought it would be fun for everyone to drop off their thank yous, silly or serious, here in the comment box. Voila, you're entered. Suh-weet.<br />
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This blog hop runs through Wednesday night at midnight, so be sure to enter before then! The winner will be notified by e-mail. <br />
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Now that you've entered my contest, come meet all my other blog friends and see what fun things they are offering!<br />
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<br />
<br />
<center><u><i>Awesome August Blog Hop</i> Participants</u></center><br />
<table border="0"><tbody>
<tr><td align="left" class="blenza-td" valign="top" width="33%">1. <a href="http://tristipinkston.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Tristi Pinkston, LDS Author</a><br />
2. <a href="http://www.karen-hoover.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Karen Hoover</a><br />
3. <a href="http://www.writermike.com/" target="_blank">Michael Young</a><br />
4. <a href="http://kristystories.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Kristy Tate</a><br />
5. <a href="http://cindymhogan.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">cindy Hogan</a><br />
6. <a href="http://ldswritermom.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Julie Bellon</a><br />
7. <a href="http://www.margothovley.com/" target="_blank">Margot Hovley</a><br />
8. <a href="http://www.laurielclewis.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Laurie Lewis</a><br />
9. <a href="http://heyyouslackers.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Mandi Slack</a><br />
10. <a href="http://melanie-jacobson.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Melanie Jacobson</a><br />
11. <a href="http://jdp-news.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Joyce DiPastena</a><br />
12. <a href="http://renaeswritespot.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Renae Mackley</a></td><td align="left" class="blenza-td" valign="top" width="33%">13. <a href="http://debbithewriter.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Debbi Weitzell</a><br />
14. <a href="http://www.donnahatch.com/" target="_blank">Donna Hatch</a><br />
15. <a href="http://franklycreative.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Carolyn Frank</a><br />
16. <a href="http://marshaward.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Marsha Ward</a><br />
17. <a href="http://www.saythiswrite.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Stacy Coles</a><br />
18. <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Bonnie Harris</a><br />
19. <a href="http://www.queenoftheclan.com/" target="_blank">Danyelle Ferguson aka Queen of the Clan</a><br />
20. <a href="http://dionygeorge.com/" target="_blank">Diony George</a><br />
21. <a href="http://lisasanuma.wordpress.com/blog/" target="_blank">Lisa Asanuma</a><br />
22. <a href="http://susandayley.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Susan Dayley</a><br />
23. <a href="http://christinebryant.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Christine Bryant @ Day Dreamer</a><br />
24. <a href="http://shumphreys.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Stephanie Humphreys</a></td><td align="left" class="blenza-td" valign="top" width="33%">25. <a href="http://raneesclark.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Ranee` Clark</a><br />
26. <a href="http://westhofffamily.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Tamera Westhoff</a><br />
27. <a href="http://iamareadernotawriter.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">I Am A Reader, Not A Writer</a><br />
28. <a href="http://heatherjustesen.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Heather Justesen</a><br />
29. <a href="http://www.rebeccatalleywrites.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Rebecca Talley</a><br />
30. <a href="http://jenniferhurst.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Jennifer Hurst</a><br />
31. <a href="http://gettingyourreadonaimeebrown.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Aimee Brown</a><br />
32. <a href="http://agooddaytoread.com/" target="_blank">Cheryl Christensen</a><br />
33. <a href="http://rachellewrites.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Rachelle Christensen</a><br />
34. <a href="http://imaginaryreads.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Imaginary Reads</a><br />
35. <a href="http://www.kilenyaseries.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Andrea Pearson</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.tristipinkston.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Learn more about Awesome August Blog Hop here.</a><br />
<a href="http://technorati.com/tag/blog+hops%2C+followers%2C+" rel="tag" target="_blank">View More Awesome August Blog Hop Participants</a><br />
<a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/wizard.php?meme=8416" target="_blank">Get The Code</a></div><div style="border: 2px solid #000000; color: black; padding: 4px; text-align: center;">Powered by... <a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/" target="_blank">Mister Linky's Magical Widgets</a>.</div>Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-23350632153189114432011-08-24T19:55:00.000-07:002011-08-24T19:55:18.972-07:00Crazy, Stupid GoodThe fun of being a movie goer is that if you sit through enough mediocre movies, you'll stumble into one that's worth the price of admission. Or even the price of popcorn. Which is what <i>Crazy, Stupid Love </i>is. Totally worth it, I mean. Even the popcorn. It might even be worth the cost of the babysitter, popcorn <i>and </i>admission.<br />
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I'm saying it was good.<br />
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As a movie goer, I loved the acting. Ladies, I'm going to show incredible restraint and out of respect to my husband, I will limit my Ryan Gosling comments to this: he can say so much with the tiniest quirk of an eyebrow. Steve Carrell is in his <i>Dan in Real Life</i> groove here, which I love. And the babysitter is awesome. And Julianne Moore is as good as always. I didn't love the oldest kid, but beyond that, actors=<i>great.</i> Emma Stone: exceptional.<br />
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But as a writer, I <i>especially </i>loved this movie because the characters are so well-developed. One of my biggest pet peeves in storytelling is when characters are forced to do something that makes no sense for their personality so that the author can ratchet up tension or complicate the story. But if it's not something the character will actually do, it's super distracting to me. Example: I'm a highly skilled international jewel thief in the middle of a major heist. Oops--forget to turn the cell phone off and now it's ringing. Trouble!<br />
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*Facepalm.*<br />
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Grrr. Of course a character can make mistakes; it just drives me nuts when they act against type. The character and writer both lose credibility with me and I lose the pleasure of escapism.<br />
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One of the things that I loved about this film is that even though at one point the characters are thrown into a situation that would never, ever happen, it didn't distract me at all because the characters were so consistent. I believed their reactions even though I didn't buy the premise, if that makes any sense at all.<br />
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To sum up: Go see <i>Crazy, Stupid Love.</i> I kinda think I might want to go see it again. <i>That's</i> a good movie.Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-73328892962246124252011-08-18T23:20:00.000-07:002011-08-18T23:30:19.242-07:00Brain dumpAnd here's how you know you're a writer. I went on vacation and wrote TWICE as much as I usually do in a day. And I count that as a GOOD vacation.
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<br />Why, yes, I am a barrel of laughs and an amusing travel companion. Assuming you're not married to me. And that if you are, you WANTED to take care of our three kids way more than usual.
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<br />Assuming that, I'm a vacation delight.
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<br />I read lots on vacation. When I think back on all the uninterrupted reading I got to do, the feeling I get is the one I think the pirates mean when they talk about their timbers getting shivered.
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<br />I had three fights with my sister today. I'm wrong every time and I still get in there and swing. I wish someone could explain our dynamic because I don't understand it. It baffles my husband. My brother, in one of the middle of our squabbles today, said to my sister about me at one point, "She's being passive aggressive. Ignore her." And also about me at another point, "She's being a nerd. Let it go." But she wouldn't. Which I'm sure is exactly why I kept it up. I think I'll have no choice but to write soon about siblings who behave like this so maybe I can figure it out.
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<br />Finally, name a great movie or TV series about a writer. I'm in the mood for one all of a sudden. My favorite is <em>Stranger Than Fiction</em> but I'm open to other ideas.
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<br />Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-52135749969328595832011-08-11T18:52:00.001-07:002011-08-11T18:52:49.210-07:00Winner!<br />
Okay, I'm SUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPERRRRRRRRRRR overdue to announce the very first giveaway copy of<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">NOT MY TYPE: <i>A Single Girl's Guide to Doing It All Wrong</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNd4YFvVRD1vXzHkVDb05ONiMi7-pdw_e96fNfKNKpuG3J1FDW89ukWlj6vr37_I_RYzftgPZaW_-DaxCAbtbqyUE9mL0SH4FtQyuI5Y0kHFKwt5Il0Mn1rt5TbVNXr9Sa7f5_VdN5xis7/s1600/NotMyType_COVER-NEW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNd4YFvVRD1vXzHkVDb05ONiMi7-pdw_e96fNfKNKpuG3J1FDW89ukWlj6vr37_I_RYzftgPZaW_-DaxCAbtbqyUE9mL0SH4FtQyuI5Y0kHFKwt5Il0Mn1rt5TbVNXr9Sa7f5_VdN5xis7/s320/NotMyType_COVER-NEW.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>Are you ready? And the winner (according to Random.org) is:<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Michelle Fish</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">Hip hip HOORAY! I'll be in touch as soon as I get copies of it in my hot little hands!</div>Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-51749652559887773412011-08-03T20:25:00.000-07:002011-08-03T20:48:12.922-07:00First things firstI'm obsessed with <span style="font-style: italic;">Project Runway.</span> As in I wish Tim Gunn lived in my closet or was maybe a miniature real live human Christmas ornament I could hang on my tree.<br /><br />I'm really kind of obsessed with any reality show where people have to be good at something (I'm judging you, <span style="font-style: italic;">Big Brother,</span> oh yes I am) but this is especially true of <span style="font-style: italic;">Project Runway</span>, probably because there's a majorly creative element that you don't see in a straight up singing show (I love those too, though.)<br /><br />Anyway, a few days ago I stumbled across something that tickled me as both a writer and a blogger, which is<a style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);" href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway/season-9/blogs?cmpid=Social_Facebook_ProjectRunway_07312011_1"> a recap blog by previous <span style="font-style: italic;">Project Runway</span> contestants</a>, all of whom I remember and (mostly) enjoy (not you, Laura Bennett, Mistress Meany Pants of Stuckupington).<br /><br /><br />Five former contestants from different seasons weigh in on each episode and it fascinates me to see what each of them focuses on and how they communicate it. Most of them blog exactly like I remember their personalities being on the show, except for Mychael Knight (Mr. Atlanta Urban) who comes off differently than I would have expected. The differences start with their titles, when all five of them are blogging the same episode but range from "When the Sheet Hits the Fan" to "Project Runway 9 Premiere Episode Recap."<br /><br />And then you move to the opening lines. Some go for more of a fact by fact summary and some are clearly trying to entertain you. Check out the opening lines from each blog:<br /><br />Peach Carr starts this way: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; ">Well, kids ... time to take a shot of pity-party mouthwash and rinse out the bad taste that the<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway/season-8" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(170, 17, 0); text-decoration: none; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; ">Season 8 Project Runway</a><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>finale shocker left in your mouths.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br /><br />But Mychael Knight starts this way: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; ">I'm baaaaack! This time as a spectator of this fascinating fashion menagerie of "Project Runway," I finally get a chance to be on the administering end of the comments, thoughts and constructive/creative critiques.</span></span><br /><br />Nick Verreos starts this way: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; ">Gather your friends, uncork the red wine, get some crudités and put your best skinny jeans on</span></span><br /><br />And then you've got Laura Bennett:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; "> The season starts out with a sort of designer speed dating where we get a quick meet-and-greet of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway/season-9/designers" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: rgb(170, 17, 0); text-decoration: none; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; ">20 potential contestants</a>.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br /><br />And finally Johnathan Kayne: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; ">Ladies and gentlemen, start your sewing machines and get ready!!!!!!!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>"<br /><br />See? Totally different voices from the very first sentence. Laura's lucky I stuck around after her boring first sentence but she ended up making some interesting points. Peach is the one I'd most want to share a couch with to watch this on the DVR. Nick is who my coolest friends would hang out with. Johnathan (from the dramatic spelling of his name all the way down the line) is just trying to dang hard. And Mychael? Meh.<br /><br />I sometimes judge a book by it's cover but I <span style="font-style: italic;">always</span> judge a book by it's first paragraph. My husband buys his books almost exclusively based on that criteria. He says the master is Chuck Palahnuik. (Yes, I'm too lazy to Google the correct spelling. SORRY.)<br /><br />But I can't go forward with a story until I have a great first line. It can and often does change later but those are the ones that are burned into my memory because I just loved them so much when they came to me.<br /><br />From <span style="font-style: italic;">The List</span>: I needed Matt Gibson in a bad way.<br /><br />From <span style="font-style: italic;">Not My Type:</span> A handful of mayonnaise makes a decent projectile in a pinch.<br /><br />From <span style="font-style: italic;">Belles and Beaux: </span>There's gross and then there's <span style="font-style: italic;">gross.</span><br /><br />From <span style="font-style: italic;">Twitterpated: </span>The rolled up yoga mat bounced off of my roommate's head with a satisfying thwack.<br /><br />That last one will change, but see what I mean? I love a great first line.<br /><br />Hook me, baby, and I won't even fight it when you reel me in.Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-37882032596749655242011-08-01T12:19:00.001-07:002011-08-01T12:19:32.003-07:00Winner!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px;">Thanks for all the preorders of my new book, everyone! The winner of the $25 Amazon gift certificate is</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px;"><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=1584008751" href="http://www.facebook.com/desiree.recendez" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Desiree Recendez</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px;">but I'll be drawing a winner on Thursday for the copy of the book. Stay tuned!</span>Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-299837343045957952011-07-29T06:01:00.000-07:002011-07-29T06:01:00.240-07:00WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">At last, it's here, it's finally (almost) here! My book comes out in a month and it's available for preorder NOW. To celebrate, I'm doing some super fun stuff today. Check out the cover (feel free to tell me you love it because I do, so much!) and then read the backliner (and the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #9fc5e8;"><a href="http://melaniejacobson.net/Books.aspx">first chapter</a></span> if you want to), and <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">THEN</span> find out how you can win the very first copy of my book I give away or an Amazon gift certificate. Here we go:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCmhaRqmtzSNSQyhetm31kNyhHKQtbe82vcVe1T5mQCwtQumau6NXyGdpDHrqQYMV1thHmPw7fHIRreTXX2E7uTn-bWAap3lT3OuwjquKlgMHtQZaiKFX0ICfBJ_6ZiOyhff4rQhsMNt1L/s1600/NotMyType_COVER-NEW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCmhaRqmtzSNSQyhetm31kNyhHKQtbe82vcVe1T5mQCwtQumau6NXyGdpDHrqQYMV1thHmPw7fHIRreTXX2E7uTn-bWAap3lT3OuwjquKlgMHtQZaiKFX0ICfBJ_6ZiOyhff4rQhsMNt1L/s320/NotMyType_COVER-NEW.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">Twenty-three-year-old Pepper Spicer is not living the dream. She ended her engagement at the last minute because her fiancé — a musician and soon-to-be reality TV star — wanted her to sacrifice her own career ambitions for his. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">Now she's stuck at home sharing a room with her little sister, trying to pay off massive debt for a wedding that didn't happen, and spending Friday nights Facebook-stalking everyone who has a better life. Her therapist father urges her to choose her career dreams and count her blessings by writing weekly thank you notes, but gratitude is a tall order when she botches an important job interview and has to settle for writing an undercover dating web-zine column — the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">last thing in the world she wants to do. Still, as Pepper (byline: Indie Girl) chronicles her bizarre and hilarious blind dates, she gives her father's challenge a try and slowly finds herself leaving self-pity behind. Life takes a major upswing as Pepper's column hits the big time and she tastes the exhilarating thrill of success. But there's one tiny problem: the intensely hot man she's falling for is having issues with her job (again). Will Pepper trade her personal ambition for another chance at love?</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">Sounds so fun, right? If you want to read the first chapter, you can check it out <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #9fc5e8;"><a href="http://melaniejacobson.net/Books.aspx">HERE</a></span> on my website.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">So how do you win it? Easy! There are two ways.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">1. If you're on Goodreads, add it to your "To Read" shelf. <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12171789-not-my-type" style="background-color: lime;">This link</a> will take you right to the book.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">2. Become a follower of this blog. Go right on ahead and click it and tell me you did. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">So if you add it on Goodreads, or follow my writing blog and want to win, leave a comment and let me know.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">How do you</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">win a $25 Amazon gift card</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">Preorder it, <i>let me know you did</i>, and you're entered! Deseret Books has it <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: lime;"><a href="http://deseretbook.com/Not-My-Type-Melanie-Jacobson/i/5069182">available for preorder here</a></span> (even though they don't quite have the cover yet) and <i>and</i> AND . . . You can get it for 30% off today and tomorrow only. Just enter <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: magenta;">JULY30</span> for the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: magenta;">discount code</span>.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">Hooray! Hip hip hooray!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;">(Tweets are not mandatory but appreciated, btw!)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></div>Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-53650679889831700342011-07-27T08:15:00.000-07:002011-07-27T08:15:48.591-07:00Anatomy of a bad review<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Before you read this post, you should first know that me even writing it is a REALLY bad idea. When you become a published author DON'T DO THIS. It's completely immature of me. I'm stooping way, way down here. But I vent or explode, so . . .</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Congratulations if you're reading this in Google Reader because I imagine one of my friends will be emailing me soon to tell me to take this down and the only place it will ever appear now is in your reader.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Secondly, before you continue, YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO TAKE ANY ACTION. I mean it. NONE. I hope what I'm about to share just makes you laugh, but if you become enraged on my behalf and are overcome with the need to inflict soul-deep violence on someone, then</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">1) You are probably a very good friend</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">2) You are a probably a little crazy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">3) DON'T DO IT.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Now, if you can abide by that rule of DON'T DO IT, then you may proceed. But you have to promise. Reading on means you've promised. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Okay, you've officially promised. Let's begin.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Bad reviews happen. Bad in the sense that someone might not like your book and bad in the sense that it's just a poorly written review. I got one of this double whammy variety.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Here's the thing. Wiser, more experienced writers will tell you to prepare for this. And I really thought I had. Except for the part that I truly thought no one would ever legitimately give <i>The List</i> a 1-star review. I expected some cranky people who hate the genre might give it 2-stars and a handful of people did. According to the site I check most regularly (and which I will not name because remember, DO NOTHING), a fair amount of people liked my book just fine (37 nice folks) and gave it 3 stars, a bunch of folks wrapped their arms around it and said, "This is such a fun read!" (97 people) to the tune of four stars and then 73 people have either known me from childhood or thought Matt Gibson was so hot that they couldn't in good conscience give it less that 5-starrrrrrrz (woot!)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">But like I said, it finally happened. The dreaded 1-star. And while it bothers me more than it should in proportion to the number of GREAT reviews <i>The List </i>has gotten, it bothers me way less than I thought a 1-star would. (My husband is less sanguine about all this. There may have been swearing involved which only made me love him more because he's SOOOOO on my team.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">But this is what I figure. I wrote something. I put it out there knowing it became fair game for other people to judge it. And this reviewer did. And wrote her review and put it out there for people to judge. And so I will.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I present my first 1-star review, complete with commentary. Tada! Check it:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">If you like Mormon Romance, you'll love this book. If you care about literature, go find some. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(You obviously hate the genre. Next time you find yourself near LDS romance, put it down and back away slowly. People with peanut allergies are smart enough not to eat peanuts. Be smart, lady. Be smart.)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> I made it through exactly one chapter.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"> (And now I know I really don't need to take you very seriously because really? One of my longest reviews comes from someone who only read one chapter? <i>Really?</i>)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> As my friend KTrip says, this should be categorized as fantasy.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"> (I admit being totally impressed by both of these people's clear intellectual superiority at this point.) </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> I made it just one chapter because it was completely unbelievable and aggravatingly so. The main character is a moron, plays games, and thinks a little too well of her attractions (remember the paragraph where she described herself in detail, focusing on her absurdly wonderful features?) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(Sorry. Should have started her off as perfect, because: HOW BORING TO WATCH HER GROW.)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> I wouldn't want to be friends with her. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(It's okay. I don't think you guys would get along.)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> So I stopped, because my brain was turning to mush and my stomach was churning</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"> (All of my comments here are too mean so I'll say nothing)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">. (Though I will own that the writing was fine.) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(THANKS)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> Perhaps I did not give the book a fair chance </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(Duh)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">, and there are so many reviews here of folks who totally loved it </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(205 to 7. I win)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">, so I allow that for some it may be great escapism -- just not for me, or those I love </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">(it's good of you to protect them from all the bad things in the world, like my book)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">. Many pleasant readings to all -- let them read how, where, or what they may.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"> (Do I need to say anything about this conclusion, like that it's utterly pretentious? No? Good).</span></span>Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-25330733827681378342011-07-20T10:01:00.000-07:002011-07-20T10:21:23.728-07:00Freaking hilarious. Let me diagram it for you . . .This one time, I felt sorry for <a href="http://www.robisonwells.com/">Robison Wells</a> and it's not even because a horn is trying to erupt from his forehead. That in itself is not a big deal. (I mean, if it's a unicorn horn it would be pretty cool. If it's a goat horn, well then . . . yeah. Okay, that's a problem.).<br />
<br />
Anyway, I felt sorry for him because he was talking about how he had to put together a class on how to write humor for a writer's conference.<br />
<br />
Now I also pity <a href="http://www.sarahmeden.com/">Sarah M. Eden</a> for the exact same reason. She's stuck with this topic, too. I think they are both brave and good people (of questionable sanity) for taking this on . But I still feel sorry for them.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing. I don't think you can teach people to be funny. You got it or you don't. It's that indefinable thing that makes someone become a massive pop star and someone else never make it at all when they have equal talent and looks. The "it" factor, maybe. (Oh, and minus any sleeping with the right people hijinks. (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">Cheating slutty McHohos. [I'm looking at you Susan McBoyle. {I'm totally not, cuz I'm writing about jokes, see? See how I did that?}]</span>)<br />
<br />
But you're funny . . . or you're not.<br />
<br />
Unless you're like me. In which case, you are HILARIOUS to the people that know you and often lock up around everyone else.<br />
<br />
But, and for the sake of this argument and also because I think it might be true, my books are pretty funny and those jokes are cracked in front of thousands of people I'll never meet. And yet if you put me in a social situation where I know less than 20% of the players, most of the time I morph into this interested observer and nothing funny to say comes to mind at all.<br />
<br />
Get me in a room full of friends, I kill.<br />
<br />
Get me in a room full of friends who are also funny, I lock up again. I think I can only be funny if I'm the clear alpha funny dog or if I've known everyone in the group FOREVER.<br />
<br />
It's a weird thing.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the point is, I know funny. I am funny. This has been voted on and ratified by the marketplace, so say the sales of my book. That's the expertise I'm claiming. Oh, and you can ask the 25 classes worth of 8th graders I taught over five years. They'll tell you: I'm funny. And get me in front of a room full of teachers in a staff development meeting? I will destroy them.<br />
<br />
The thing is, I can't turn it on or off. I just am or am not. There's no deciding I want to be funny and then the jokes come. They're there or they aren't.<br />
<br />
I truly believe most funny people are this way.<br />
<br />
It comes down to this: as soon as you explain a joke, it's not funny anymore. Or put another way by Sarah Eden, "In my experience, classes on humor are the unfunniest classes at all."<br />
<br />
I bet if you surveyed the attendees in Sarah or Rob's classes on humor (and I've been to other classes they taught and can vouch they are each hilarious), this is what you would find. 15% of attendees are friends or acquaintances who are there for a good laugh and didn't even read the title of the class. The rest are people who have no inherent funniness and will leave with lots of earnestly taken notes and still no clue how to crack a joke, much less a good joke.<br />
<br />
Case in point: This <a href="http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/04/ff_humorcode/">Wired magazine article</a> from May looks at humor through the lens of science, trying to quantify what makes something funny. (Yes, I read my husband's magazines in the bathroom. If he can stay in there with it for an hour, so can I. Also, I'm suddenly a genius when it comes to buying his gifts because, hello? I could blindly point to any item on any page in that magazine and he'd want it.) And while it's an utterly un-hilarious article about humor, it's <i>fascinating.</i> This is kind of the nutshell, although seriously, go read the whole thing:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.wired.com/magazine/wp-content/images/19-05/ff_humorcode5_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="http://www.wired.com/magazine/wp-content/images/19-05/ff_humorcode5_f.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>It makes perfect sense.<br />
<br />
But if you have to explain it to someone . . .<br />
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I'm just saying. Rob, Sarah . . . you have my deepest sympathies.Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-42511193494946044332011-07-10T21:22:00.000-07:002011-07-10T21:30:12.666-07:00Melanie Jacobson is ruining my life.Melanie Jacobson is getting on my last nerve.<br /><br />SHE'S RUINING EVERYTHING.<br /><br />Or at least, she's ruining dot com for me.<br /><br />Some time, long ago, before I was even Melanie Jacobson, she went and registered MelanieJacobson.com for herself. And you know what she does with it?<br /><br />NOTHING.<br /><br />I want it. I want DOT COM. I have dot net. Whatever. It's fine.<br /><br />And as my husband points out every time I whine about this (and it comes up more than it should), I am WINNING GOOGLE. I, me, myself, moi, get the top seven search returns.<br /><br />So that's something.<br /><br />A big something, even.<br /><br />But I tried to buy this melaniejacobson.com from her, this domain that she's not even using, and she was open to sell, but not for as much as I was offering. Which was only enough to buy a nice pair of shoes. I think she was thinking more along the lines of mortgage payment money. But I am simply not worth that much.<br /><br />But still! She could have had new shoes and I could have my domain all to myself. She already has the good gmail address. And the good Twitter handle.<br /><br />Although I got to the Melanie Jacobson Facebook domain first.<br /><br />Oh, and did I mention I'm winning Google?<br /><br />Because I TOTALLY AM.<br /><br />Take that, Melanie Jacobson. TAKE THAT.<br /><br />(And I dearly, dearly hope she has a Google Alert for our name. Nothing could make me happier right this second.)Melanie Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08056036018255243326noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-20155653900516605102011-07-08T19:35:00.000-07:002011-07-10T13:01:35.950-07:00Lose the Jeep<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Or maybe not lose it. But we probably don't need to know it's red yet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Nathan Bransford, former literary-agent-turned-middle-grade-author, offered a critique of a first page for someone on his blog the other day. It's a fascinating look inside the editing process from someone who knows what he's doing, so it's well worth a look for the handful of you writers out there who don't already follow his blog. I find his red line markup especially helpful. Anyway, you can check it out <a href="http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2011/07/page-critique-thursday-avoiding-being.html">HERE</a>. He makes a GREAT point about the difference between writing and being writerly.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
Seriously. Go read it. Then come back.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Well, hey again.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What caught my eye in the author's submission was the last sentence in her opening paragraph: <i>The telephone rang, awakening me from a deep Valium-induced stupor. A disembodied voice said, ‘the Inn’s on fire’, and then the line went dead. The clock read 3:00 - the witching hour. I grabbed my dog. Still wearing pyjamas and slippers I jumped into my red Cherokee Jeep, and drove to The Witch’s Inn. </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's the very first thing people are reading about your character and her world and her voice. So what really, REALLY needs to be there? Do we need to know that she drives a red Jeep Cherokee? And if we do need to know that because it tells us something about her character, do we need to know it <i>very first thing?</i> Maybe yes. Maybe no. Probably no.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Maybe we never need to know at all. Most likely at some point, as readers, we would like this little detail because the profile on someone driving a late-model Lincoln Town Car is far different than the profile on the person who is driving the red Jeep. It's a helpful clue.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Just not opening paragraph helpful.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
I think this really caught my eye because I recently won a 1200 word critique from one of my dream agents, Sara Megibow. I sent her the most polished pages I could bleed out. I really thought I nailed it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She liked it. She didn't love it. But I'll tell you what she said and why.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here's my first paragraph: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 6px;"><i><u>Jolie fingered the remnant of soft gray corduroy in the moldy pile of fabric and wondered about her odds. Could she yank it out without toppling the massive stack on top of it? With a quick prayer to the imaginary saint of crazy hoarders, she jerked it and ducked, ping ponging her way between a wall of newspapers on one side and precarious piles of nearly everything else on the other.</u></i></span></span><br />
<div align="LEFT" style="line-height: 0.07in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span> </span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.39081675093621016" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here's Sara's response:</span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Writing – You are using lots of imagery in the opening pages. Your writing is interesting, engaging, full of life. I really “feel” the chaotic, cluttered world that Jolie is navigating. A suggestion – it feels a wee bit as if you are trying too hard on the first two pages to insert details. It’s not a deal-breaker, just an observation. If I were reading this from the slush pile, my response would be along the lines of “new writer, trying too hard, a bit too wordy, hopefully it smoothes out.” For example:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I fingered the remnant of soft gray corduroy in the moldy pile of fabric and wondered about my odds. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ff6600; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(soft gray corduroy and moldy fabric) </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Could I yank it out without toppling the massive stack on top of it? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ff6600; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(massive stakc) </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With a quick prayer to the imaginary saint of crazy hoarders, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ff6600; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(quick prayer, imaginary saint, crazy hoarders) </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">…</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know this is just the opening paragraph and we think “goodness, that’s nitpicky” but it’s my observation. My suggestion would be to trim the details just a hair in order to make the narrative flow a bit more smoothly. ***</span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, I'm thinking . . .yeah. Lose the Jeep.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span>Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-553653922259737598.post-85972167804029807392011-07-02T22:02:00.000-07:002011-07-02T22:02:06.067-07:00Just what the world needs . . . another writing blog.When I started my other blog, I thought I was going to spend all kinds of time writing and thinking about writing and blogging about reading.<br />
<br />
But I realized as a novice writer, there's only so much to say.<br />
<br />
And I quickly discovered that I'm not a super huge fan of people blathering on about writing when they don't really have any credibility. Meaning, they're not published.<br />
<br />
I'm good with people talking about their journey and their thought processes, etc. I just don't think I can get behind someone setting themselves up as an expert on point-of-view or . . . you get the point. I'm always left with the same question: And <i>how</i> are you an expert?<br />
<br />
I have no idea what I'm going to do with this new blog, or if it's even going to be a thing. I dunno.<br />
<br />
But I've been thinking about writing so much lately, about the process of creating and breathing life into words and all of that good stuff that I had to let it out somewhere.<br />
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Oh, and also, it gives me an excuse to play around with templates. Because I needed another time waster in my life.Melanie Jacobsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02489615939726209573noreply@blogger.com1